my phone needs a breathalizer
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
