I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
