I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
