I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She's the barista slut.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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