We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
