my phone needs a breathalizer
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We're too hungover to prance.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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