If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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