I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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