My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
