Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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