We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
