RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
