i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
