my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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