omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you never un-have a 4some
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