the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
