Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
