The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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