I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
