John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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