so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
