Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I am naked and annoyed.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
