Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
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