One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize