Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
