In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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