Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
