Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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