Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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