how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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