I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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