We're like a lot better than the average bears
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
