As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
