discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
