It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
