last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
