so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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