kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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