So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
