Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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