Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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