she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
