Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
high people should be assigned attendants
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I need mimosas to revive my soul
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
