you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
it was like eating out sand paper
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
