Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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