Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My vagina is officially offended.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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