Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
