they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
