i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
