I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
