then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
