Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
