I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
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in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
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I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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