Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
