so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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