Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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