Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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