dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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