You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
