good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
