You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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