it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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