So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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