I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
