there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
What a dumb baby whore.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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