We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
