Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
