So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
