theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
