Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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