Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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