All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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