I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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