I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
