is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
