My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
