This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
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I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
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Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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