oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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