At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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